What is a couples bubble?

A “couple bubble” is a concept in relationship psychology that refers to the creation of a safe and secure environment between partners. In this environment, both individuals prioritize each other’s well-being, safety, and emotional security above all else. This involves mutual support, trust, and a commitment to protecting the relationship from external stressors and conflicts.

The term “couple bubble” was coined by Dr. Stan Tatkin, a psychotherapist and author who specializes in attachment theory and its application to adult relationships. He introduced the concept in his book “Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship.”

Why a couple bubble is important to your marriage

Dr. Tatkin emphasizes that the couple bubble is essential for creating a secure and resilient partnership. Without that level of protection an relationship may not last. Marriages can become vulnerable to both internal and external stressors. I like to think of a Couples Bubble as a kind of shield that protects the couples from harm and danger. Yet, the shield can also become permeable when needed to let in support, resources and information from the outside. The combination of both strength and flexibility are important qualities in marriage.

related post: How to Get the Most Out Of Couples Counseling

A marriage with a strong couples bubble (with specific examples)

To help understand how the concept of the couples bubble gets put into practice, let’s look at some examples. We will look at a fictional couple called Krya and Sam. Although they are fictional this couple illustrates how real couples can and do protect their marriage. how Kyra and Sam can protect their couple bubble, ensuring a secure, trusting, and intimate relationship.

10 signs that your couple bubble is strong:

1. Regular, open communication is the norm in your marriage

Kyra and Sam set aside 15 minutes every evening to talk about their day and share their feelings. When Kyra feels stressed about work, she tells Sam, and he listens attentively without interrupting. When Sam feels frustrated with a colleague he tells Kyra about it. This routine helps them maintain understanding and trust, ensuring they are aware of each other’s emotional state and needs. These kinds of open, honest and transparent communication are not always easy. Nor, do they come naturally to most couples. But the good news is that great communication can be learned. This is true whether you are a new couple or have been married for decades. With a little practice,  courage and vulnerability

2. You prioritize each other

When Sam is offered a job that requires frequent travel, he discusses it with Kyra before making a decision, considering how it will affect their relationship. They decide together that he will take the job but limit travel to once a month. By making decisions together, they demonstrate that their relationship is a priority. This practice also sends the clear message that they value each other’s needs and input. When Kyra is asked to join an after hours work committee, she reflects on the impact on the marriage and checks it out with Sam.

3. You are both good at setting boundaries

Kyra’s mother frequently drops by unannounced. In the past this was a source of stress for the couple. But Kyra and Sam agreed on specific visiting hours and Kyra communicated this boundary to her mom. With a little practice and reinforcement on their part, it is no longer an issue. They also establish that Sundays are their private time, free from family visits. Setting boundaries protects their intimacy and ensures that external influences do not disrupt their relationship.

4. You and your partner express appreciation daily

Sam regularly thanks Kyra for her support and efforts. Whether it’s working hard to provide for their family or organizing their finances. Kyra often tells Sam how much she appreciates his humor and the little things he does around the house. He also happens to be an excellent chef and she praises his creations regularly. Sam publicly brags about Kyra’s “fun”personality and courage to his friends and coworkers. These regular expressions of gratitude reinforce positive feelings and support, making both partners feel valued.

5. Your marriage is characterized by physical affection

Kyra and Sam make it a point to hug each other every morning before leaving for work and cuddle on the couch while watching TV in the evenings. Regular physical touch strengthens their emotional bond and helps maintain a sense of closeness. Both Sam and Kyra touch, kiss and embrace each other regularly. Although scheduling sex is not something that works for all couples, it works for them. Physical affection tends to come easily in the early stages of a relationship, but requires concerted effort the longer a couple has been together.

6. Your marriage is supportive

When Kyra is overwhelmed with a project deadline, Sam takes over some of her household chores and offers words of encouragement. When Sam is dealing with a difficult situation with his dad, Kyra listens and offers emotional support. If one partner is ill or has low energy, the other often picks up the slack without complaint or the need for an immediate pay back. When both Kyra and Stan are struggling and/or their kids are struggling they are able to talk it out and come up with a plan together. By offering support during stressful times, they demonstrate to themselves and each other their commitment.  Their bond gets reinforced and strengthened with each of these experiences.

7. You spend quality time together

Kyra and Sam schedule a date night every Friday where they try a new restaurant or engage in a fun activity like bowling. They also enjoy cooking dinner together on weekends. Sam likes to surprise Kyra with new experience. Last month he scheduled a cooking class together. Another time they enjoyed taking sailing lessons. Spending quality time together helps them reconnect and creates shared experiences that strengthen their relationship.

8. You fight well together

When Kyra and Sam have a disagreement, they resolve conflicts constructively. They avoid shouting and name-calling. Instead, they sit down and calmly discuss their perspectives, seeking to understand each other. Neither stops until both feel heard. When possible, they work to find a solution that works for both. This kind of constructive conflict resolution strengths their couples bubble. It also prevents resentment and maintains harmony in their relationship.

9. You practice forgiveness in your marriage

When Sam forgets their anniversary, Kyra is hurt but decides to talk about her feelings instead of holding a grudge. Sam apologizes sincerely, and Kyra forgives him, acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes. Practicing forgiveness helps them move past hurt feelings. It also helps repair old wounds and prevent possible trauma. Forgiveness makes the relationship stronger and resilient.

10. Your marriage has specific supportive rituals in place

Kyra and Sam have a tradition of having breakfast in bed every Sunday morning. Because of his work schedule, Sam often arrives home before Kyra. So when Kyra comes home, she makes a point of seeking Sam out, hugging and kissing him as a way of greeting him. They also celebrate their wedding anniversary by revisiting the place where they first met. These shared rituals and traditions provide a sense of stability and continuity, that reinforces their bond and creates cherished memories.

Looking for a good couples therapist or marriage therapist?

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We are located in St Louis, Missouri and serve couples in the both Saint Louis City and Saint Louis County. This includes the following communities: Maplewood, Webster Groves, Kirkwood, Crestwood, Maplewood, Brentwood, Rockhill, Richmond Heights, Clayton, Shrewsbury, Lindenwood, Ladue, Central West End and the surrounding areas.

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