Tag Archives: therapy

Parenting Stages & When Family Therapy Can Help | Your Roadmap for Every Age

Counseling for Families, Counseling for Kids, Counseling for Parents, , , , ,

Family Therapy

The Wide View: What To Know About You and Your Child’s Development

Children grow and change at different rates due to a combination of factors. Some of those have to do with your child’s unique traits, their personality, temperament, and genetic inheritance. Others are external influenced by your unique family culture, parenting style, and broader environmental factors. When challenges arise, family therapy can provide valuable support, helping parents and children navigate these changes with greater understanding and ease.

Because development is complex, it’s important to take a big-picture view rather than focusing on just one aspect. A child therapist or family therapist will assess all these factors together, and we encourage you to do the same. By keeping a wide perspective, you’ll navigate each stage with greater clarity and less frustration.

A Note about Family Stages And Family Therapy

Change is not linear, and neither is child development. The stages outlined here are not rigid guidelines, but flexible roadmaps. Each family’s journey will be unique. Unexpected growth spurts, personal wins, or strong support systems can propel a child forward. Conversely, challenges like divorce, trauma, setbacks, or major life changes may slow progress.

Every family has its own strengths and struggles. What matters most is recognizing when extra support is needed and knowing help is available.

When Family Therapy is Needed

Family therapy, child therapy, or teen therapy may be helpful when:

  • You, your child, or both are struggling to navigate a particular stage.
  • You’re experiencing communication difficulties, ongoing tantrums, behavioral issues, or persistent anxiety/depression.
  • Situations out of your control (or even personal choices) are making family life stressful.
  • Emotional or behavioral issues seem like just the tip of the iceberg, indicating deeper challenges that need to be addressed together.

A Note for Parents with Multiple Children

If you are a parent of two or more kids, you will likely be navigating multiple stages at the same time. You may also find that even if you’ve been through a developmental stage before, it feels entirely different with each child. As you grow as a parent, your approach will evolve. What worked for your first child at age 5 may not work for your second. And that’s okay. Parenting is a dynamic process, not a fixed formula.

Family Therapy

The Family Stages

Pregnancy: Preparing for Your Baby’s Arrival

Your Family Stage: Preparing for the new family member.

Your Baby’s Stage: Rapid physical and neurological development.

Your Task:

Your Experience as a Parent: You may feel a combination of excitement, anxiety, or both at this time. If you are part of a couple, you will also be experiencing changes in your relationship or marriage as you prepare for parenthood.

When to Seek Therapy:

  • Extreme anxiety or overwhelm about the transition to parenthood
  • Lack of support at this important life stage from family, friends, or your partner
  • Unresolved relationship stress that can impact co-parenting

Related Article: The Couple Bubble: Your Complete Guide to Protecting Your Marriage

Postpartum & Your Baby’s First Year

Your Family Stage: Adjusting the family system to accommodate children and defining roles within your family.

Your Baby’s Stage: Babies grow quickly in the first year of life. That means your new family member will pass through many developmental stages approximately every 2 to 3 months, and so will you as a parent.

Your Task:

  • Prioritize recovery from birth and focus on getting enough rest
  • Establish a support system for childcare and emotional well-being
  • If co-parenting, work as a team to manage new responsibilities.
  • Bond with your baby, but don’t stress if it’s not immediate. Bonding is a process, not an instant connection.

When to Seek Therapy:

  • Difficult or traumatic birth experience
  • Postpartum depression or extreme mood changes from hormone fluctuations and disruptive sleep.
  • Increased anxiety if your baby has colic, is not meeting developmental milestones or appears unwell in any way
  • Marital strife due to increased stress and demands as new parents
  • Difficulty bonding with your new baby due to any or the above challenges.

Both Somatic Therapy and Family Therapy can be helpful to you at this time.

How to Parent When Your Child is a Toddler & Preschooler

Your Family Stage: Creating stability while encouraging early independence.

Your Child’s Stage: As babies turn into toddlers, they begin to recognize that a whole world exists outside of you. Some children eagerly explore, while others hesitate—most will experience both emotions.

Your Task:

  • Support your child’s socialization
  • Arrange play dates with other similar age peers
  • Model and teach basic self-regulation and social skills (safe hands, sharing etc.).

When to Seek Therapy:

  • Increased parent and child stress due to separation anxiety
  • Risk taking behaviors
  • Power-struggles, tantrums, or meltdowns
  • Emotional regulation difficulties
  • Picky eating habits
  • Toileting difficulties
  • Speech difficulties
  • Not meeting developmental milestones
  • Difficultly playing nicely with others.

Family Therapy

Parenting During Your Child’s Elementary School Years

Your Family Stage: Growing connection with small amounts of autonomy.

Your Child’s Stage: As your child begins to enter kindergarten, they take on a new level of autonomy. This can create a combination of anxiety and relief as a parent. Many parents actually love this stage and will sometimes refer to it as “the golden years.” Many children at this stage express love freely and enjoy pleasing their parents.

Your Task:

  • Support your child’s growing need for autonomy
  • Provide a safe and secure place to return.

When to Seek Therapy:

  • Struggles in school
  • Impulsivity
  • Learning disabilities
  • Medical condition impacting your child’s health and abilities
  • A new diagnosis such as:
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • ADHD
    • Autism
    • Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified.

Both kids and parents can benefit from Somatic Therapy or Expressive Arts Therapy.

Parenting a Tween (10-13 years old)

Your Family Stage: Renegotiation to accommodate growing autonomy.

Your Child’s Stage: Identity formation and independence. Your child is likely starting to experience some significant physical and emotional changes as they mature. They may be less motivated to please you. Or they may alternate between wanting more independence from you and wanting more closeness. Your child may start to separate from you. Your child may gravitate toward one parent while creating distance from the other, which can be confusing for both parents and child.

Your Task:

  • Allow your child a little more independence while still providing support and limits.
  • Encourage them to become an active and responsible family member
  • Assign small household chores
  • Give them choices about how they spend their free time
  • Support their emerging interests and talents

When to Seek Therapy:

  • Difficulty navigating peer relationships
  • Increased anxiety or depression due to hormone changes
  • Potential power-struggles with parents

Parenting a Teen (14-17 years old)

Your Family Stage: Separation, increased autonomy and independence.

Your Child’s Stage: Identity exploration and expansion. Forging relationships with other adults both work, peer, and romantic outside of the family.

Your Task:

  • Shift your role from authority figure to coach or advisor.
  • Accept and adapt to your teen’s changing needs
  • Minimize potential strife and power struggles

When to Seek Therapy:

  • Difficulty navigating peer and romantic relationships
  • Increased anxiety or depression due to on-going hormone changes
  • Potential power-struggles with parents
  • Impulsivity
  • Sleep problems.

How to Parent Your Adult Child (18+ years old)

Your Family Stage: “Leaving the nest,”maximum autonomy.

Your Child’s Stage: Launching or preparing to launch into the “real world” as a full-fledged adult. Forging relationships with other adults both work, peer, and romantic outside of the family.

Your Task:

  • Learn to navigate this new adult-to-adult relationship
  • Be available as a mentor or coach as needed while allowing your adult child maximum independence
  • Accept your changing role as a parent of an adult

Your Parent Experience: Navigating this new adult-to-adult relationship can be challenging, especially when balancing closeness and independence. In addition, you may be experiencing midlife changes that impact your ability to handle stress. You might also be navigating caretaking responsibilities for your elderly parents as well.

When to Seek Therapy:

  • Your adult child has difficulty launching
  • You find yourself in power struggles, then a Somatic Therapist can help.
  • If you are having difficulty negotiating boundaries or managing your own stress, than it is time to get some help.

Somatic Therapy, Expressive Arts Therapy, or Family Therapy may all be helpful at this stage.

 

Looking for a Family Therapist, Somatic Therapist, or Expressive Art Therapist to support you? Help is available to you and your family at any stage.

Contact our office to get connected to an experienced Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Somatic Therapist or Expressive Arts Therapist who can help you, your child and your family as a whole.

We are located in St Louis, Missouri and serve families in the both the Saint Louis City and Saint Louis County areas. We offer in person sessions in our office in Saint Louis, MO as well as video (Telehealth) sessions.

To Set Up An Appointment:

Please fill out the appointment request form. We will match you with a therapist who best fits you and your families needs. You can give us a call at (314) 827-5448 or email us at  admin@danceofchange.com with any questions.

My Takeaways from my Interview with Dr. Steve Terrell

For Therapists, Trauma Therapy, Uncategorized, , , , , ,

Who is Steve?

I had the good fortune of getting to interview Dr. Steve Terrell, a leading expert in the field of developmental trauma.  He has performed more than 25,000 individual transforming touch sessions.  Steve has developed his own touch-based training called Transforming the Experience-Based Brain.  It’s a regulation based approach to working developmental trauma that he has taught to thousands of students from around the world.  And he is hosting one of these trainings in STL in Sept 2023!

He’s also still a practicing therapist in Texas at the Austin Attachment and Counseling Center in Austin, Texas. Steve has written two books.  One is called Nurturing Resilience, a book for therapists about helping clients move through developmental trauma that he wrote with Kathy Kain.  And the other is a new release called TEB LIKE 123, a book for parents and children that Steve coauthored with Shiri Sher.

Why Touch is Important in Healing Developmental Trauma

Touch has the power to heal even a very disorganized, nervous system.  It can be used as a regulation intervention at any age.  We never grow out of our need for touch.  Touch is one of the earliest forms of nurturing and regulation, starting from infancy.

Developmental trauma is anything that interrupts the development of the human from conception on.  Usually this shows up in a person’s behavior.

Shock Trauma vs. Developmental Trauma

Shock trauma is what we hear most about when we think of post-traumatic stress disorders.  It is when a traumatic event occurs and after that event your life is different.  With shock trauma often all we have is a memory of the event and the desire to return to life before the event.  There is a story, image, or narrative.

Conversely, in developmental trauma we don’t know what it was like before.  Often there is no memory of it.   Nobody has that information, so it’s like we’re working in the dark.  That’s why a therapist’s ability to hold space is so important. Being present and building trust in the relationship are key.  So is, letting go of the need to be the expert.

How to Work with Touch even in a Virtual Space

You can learn and work with touch intentionally using the same protocols that you would if you were in person.  The pandemic taught us that it actually works really well.

The Language of Touch

Before using physical touch it’s important to use collaborative language.  Instead of, I’m gonna do this to you. We are gonna do this. We are going to allow this to expression.  Co-regulation can only happen through collaboration and only in the context of safety.

For Body Workers

It is important to keep in mind that you can listen no matter how you’re trained. It doesn’t matter what school you went to. Massage and body workers oftentimes feel like they’re not doing enough. They want their client to leave happy. They want them to leave like “oh, that really felt good”.  I really try to get a release of some kind.  Your client doesn’t need to feel great when they’re done. What you want to say is “I’m going to support you even if you feel bad.”  That’s the goal.  You don’t need to fix anybody.

How  the Transforming the Experienced-Based Brain (TEB) training works

There are three modules that build on each other.  Each takes three and a half days.  All the lectures are pre-recorded and on online.  You get to view them 30 days before the in-person training.  After viewing the videos, you can ask questions at the in-person training which is hands-on learning.  Throughout the training, 6-7 interventions are gonna be taught to you. So you’re gonna get at least that many times on the table as the client and as the therapist or practitioner, and as an observer.  Each day we’re doing an enhancement or a piece of work. We explain why this is a regulation focused intervention and why it’s important.  Each module you are given plenty of time to ask questions and process as a group.  It’s an intense and rich three and a half days of training.

Post-Training Perks

After the first module, Steve or Robin Sullivan (lead assistant) gives a free online consultation every Thursday morning.  Anyone who’s finished module one can join.  Usually around 65 to 75 show up.  This is followed by a 45 minute guided healing process. You will be guided through the protocol and enhancements.  Every Tuesday at 1:00 CST Ellen Keating does a weekend review and she goes into a different enhancement and how to work with those enhancements. And that’s free as well.  Also, there is a 50% discount should you decide to retake the training.

Resources:

Austin Attachment and Counseling Center

Nurturing Resilience by Steve Terrell and Kathy Kain

TEB LIKE 123

TEB training in STL

Scholarships are available for those who qualify

Dance of Change Counseling

6 Principles of Healing Developmental Trauma using Touch

 

 

 

Unbreakable (a Poem)

Expressive Arts, Poetry, , , ,

Lake-Expressive Arts Therapy

Beneath the wounds, the armor and debris of childhood,
under the buzz and hum of your current life, bustling and urgent,
Beneath the deadlines and promises
lies a river,
Subtle and meandering, yet deep.
It weaves through the very fabric of your being, though you may have hardly noticed
Its cool glistening currents of blue gold and green
Undulate, and fold,
Rolling over all obstacles in its path, nourishing them at the same time.
It a surprise and delight to witness.
The air here is clean and wide
It stretches open, yawns and
Breaths with you.
Emptying and filling,
Emptying and filling again and again.
Until you feel both empty and full at the same time.
Over time this will feel like less of a contradiction.
Because you will have learned the secret of the yogis and the mystics:
What pervades you and everything is you.
You are intimately woven into the fabric of life.
It is possible to make deep contact with yourself and the world without getting lost.
You can’t be injured here. And it can’t be broken.
You are unbreakable.
It is unbreakable.
And the river flows on.

Interested in Poetry and Expressive Arts Counseling?

Contact our office to make an appointment:

Give us a call at: (314) 827-5448 or email us at danielle@danceofchange.com

We offer in person sessions in our office in Saint Louis, MO in Webster Groves as well as video (Telehealth) session for anyone located in the state of Missouri

Yoga for the Eyes: 4 simple exercises to prevent pain and strain

Body-Mind Medicine, , , ,
Yoga for the Eyes
Yoga for the Eyes: moving the eyes in all six directions

As I’ve conducted more and therapy sessions online I’ve noticed increased somatic symptoms both in myself and others. Staring at a screen for long periods in not a natural behavior and puts an incredible amount of strain on your body, your brain. Over time it can  create screen fatigue in your entire system,  especially your eyes.

Eyes train can lead to migraines and a whole host of other problems. In addition to following best practices during screen time use, these four exercises from the yoga tradition can be helpful. I’ve put together some of these exercises in a picture format so you can just print out the picture and hang it near your computer. Again, the less screen time the better, and chances are you are reading this on screen right now. J I’ve also kept the exercise descriptions as short as possible. These can be done in any order, but if you are experiencing eye fatigue currently, it’s probably best to start with Palming.

  1. Palming

This is savasana for the eyes. To rest sore eyes immediately after a screen time binge, start by finding a comfortable positon either sitting or lying down and allow the eyes to close. Place your hands together in prayer position and rub them together vigorously to generate heat. Now cup your hands over your eyes and allow the heat and darkness to sooth a relax them.

Variation: If you tend to run hot and/or dry and heat is aggravating to you, place a cool, wet washcloth over your eyes and allow the coolness, darkness and moisture to do its work.

  1. Explore the Six Directions

If you’ve had a lot of screen time already, feel free to print this image and hang on your wall by your computer for a quick visual reminder.  If the eyes are already aggravated, you can do palming in between each direction to allow for both rest and integration.

  1. Look up for a few breaths, then down ( repeat 5x)
  2. Look to the far upper right hand corner; moving the eyes on a diagonal line look down to the lower left. Hold for a few breaths each ( repeat 5x)
  3. Look to the far upper left hand corner; moving the eyes on a diagonal look down to the lower right. Hold for a few breaths each ( repeat 5x)

 

  1. Eye Circles

Now we will put all six directions together. Start by looking up. Circle the eyes slowly by touching all six directions in one smooth connected circle. Switch directions and go counter clock-wise.

 

  1. Near and Far

Hold your thumb close to your face. Let your eyes focus on your thumb for a few seconds then find a point far away to focus. A window with a bit of a view is great for this exercise. Look as far away as you can for a few breaths. (Repeat 5x)

Further exploration on yoga for the eyes:  want more ? Check out these articles here, here and here.

Looking for a somatic therapist and yoga instructor who works online and can help with your particular situation? Check out our schedule for availability.