A relationship is like a dance. Often their are steps forward, back, and sideways in response to an ever-changing series of needs, feelings, beliefs and expectations. Ideally, the dance is an even exchange of give and take, love and respect between two people. And when it’s not, then the dance can get stuck. That’s where couples counseling comes in.
Note: couples counseling or marriage therapy is used interchangeably through this article and means the same thing.
Couples Counseling: What it is and how it works
Do you find yourself locked in the same old pattern with your partner or spouse and long to break free? Has lack of trust or poor communication shaken your relationship to its core?
Whether you are in the middle of a crisis, moving through an difficult transition, or discovering unpleasant behaviors in one another, a highly trained objective third party can often help you move past anger, resentment or frustration in order to restore peace and love in your relationship. Divorce can be avoided. And anyone can learn the skills necessary to have a happy, healthy relationship. It will require some effort and motivation on both you and your partner’s part, but the five step process is fairly straightforward.
The Five Step Process to Getting the Most out of Couples Counseling:
In couples counseling we will …..
1) Support a Strong Vision for the Future.
This will include strengths and challenges that you have faced thus far, but more importantly, you and your partner will get clear on the kind of relationship you want to co-create together.
2. Identify Your Path (s).
In order to support this vision you will both get clear on the kind of partner you aspire to be in order to build the kind of life and relationship you want to create. This involves looking at the relationship as a whole but also the individual strengths and challenges of each person.
3. Move Toward Your Vision: Dealing with Stress and Conflict
Since stress is an inevitable part of both life and relationships, it’s important to look at how you and your partner’s unique stress physiology plays out together. This is an element that most traditional couple’s therapist leave out, yet it is so important! We will look at how to tell when you and your partner are “going over threshold” and what they need from you in those moments. You will also get to know your own “threshold” and “window of tolerance” for handling stress and learn tools to help communicate with your partner at these critical times.
4. Communication and Resources
Next we will look at how you and your partner prefer to be loved and strengthen communication. We will go beyond “I statements” to include the 80% of communication that counts most: Non-verbal communication. Body centered psychotherapy techniques may also be used to break through old fighting patterns, deactivate stressful situations, and arrive at a workable solutions. We will look at each partners love languages and preferences, and practice the “magic ratio” that your relationship needs to stay healthy on a daily basis. I will actively coach you and give you feedback so you know when you are on the right track.
5. Fortifying Resilience: Planning for Future Growth
A healthy relationship is like a healthy ecosystem. With the right combination of care and attention it becomes a life-giving place you can live and depend on for sustenance on a regular basis. In this last step we will review all the elements of a healthy relationship, the skills you learned, and your commitments to yourself and each other. We’ll address what it takes to keep your marital “ecosystem” healthy and sustain growth in the long run.
Looking for a Couples Counselor or Marriage and Family Therapist?
To request or book an appointment in st. Louis, Missouri you can go here
Email: danielle@danceofchange.com
or call or text the office: (314) 827-5448